I’m back!

I am back! Well I have been on a temporary blogging hiatus, which started during the end of July. I needed to solve a personal ordeal which I never really expected nor anticipated to happen. I have mentioned before about our immigration plans. I even had a Going Away Giveaway done in April but maybe the time is not yet ripe and God has other plans. It did not materialize immediately so we (my husband and I) we're not expecting that it will come this soon. But neither do we expect that it will come on a time we have not planned for either. 

If you are a mom (and even if not), you will know how hard it is to leave your child behind, and actually that is how painful my situation is right now. My daughter and I have been inseparable since her birth and I, being a full time mom, was on  her call, 24/7.  It was July 31st when my husband and I talked seriously via Skype about the possibility of me going to the US ahead of my daughter to be able to use my immigrant visa. We previously made the decision that I will wait for my daughter's visa which is still on file for approval. Initially, I really cannot imagine the thought of me leaving her and at the same time, another reason is that I haven't weaned her yet as I was still breastfeeding (and was planning of doing so until she reach two).  I really have no plans of leaving even if it means going the rounds again-applying for a new visa and starting again from scratch. I've psyched myself that , I wouldn't mind all the effort I will exert (again) in filing for one plus all the other previous requirements I will need to submit for the visa application, not to mention that this also means paying all the applicable fees associated with the reapplication. But on that fateful day, upon my husband's persuasion and our prayer for enlightenment and discernment (and despite my heavy heart), I decided that I will leave for the benefit of "everybody's future".

This may be one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life…

I dreaded August 7th, the day of my flight but the day came too soon, I didn't have any choice but to go ahead and leave her for the meantime under my mom's and an older cousin's care. The remaining days felt like I am in a trance, wishing that one day I will wake up and realize that everything is just a dream, but I didn't because it is not. Right now, I really can't remember what I exactly felt that time, or what really happened. Now, all seemed to be like a blurry memory. It was also a puzzle how I endured the 12 hours travel from Manila to San Francisco (good thing it was a direct flight) crying and staring into nothingness as I remember my dear Ceana back at home. 

It has been exactly two weeks now and with God's amazing love and grace, I was able to survive and kept my sanity intact and I am surviving everyday and taking each day at a time, maximizing what I have. It is a continuous bittersweet experience, a mixture of pure bliss-of spending quality time with my husband and deep misery-of missing my daughter back home. I am quite enjoying my time alone with my husband, exploring new things. Looking on a different perspective, maybe this is the way God had wanted things to be. My husband and I, we never had a "real" time together, we missed so much of our 10 years of being apart. I guess this is payback time, for us to rebond and rekindle our love for eachother. I'm quite enjoying my short stint as a full time wife now while I am on break of being a mom to Ceana…

I guess we will never really know what God has planned for us, but in everything, there is always a reason behind and the most important thing is for us to trust His will…