Divorce is, understandably, one of the most stressful events in life so we start to feel our emotions come to the fore. But it’s so difficult to keep them under wraps, especially for you’ve been particularly hurt, but when there are children involved we’ve got to learn to play the role of diplomat. We should not place our children in the middle. But what can we do to make sure that if we are going through the divorce process, that our children are not piggy in the middle?
Don’t Make It Personal
Many family law firms talk about making it a professional process. And this is something we can all learn from. It’s so easy for us to start pointing our fingers and acting out because we’ve been hurt. But we have to remember that our children are directly in the middle, and this means that we need to stay focused on them. It can help to think of it as running a business. When it’s you and your ex trying to do the best for the kids, you’ve got to learn how to mediate and compromise. And this means learning to agree to disagree when it is necessary. If you make it personal, it becomes far more hurtful, and games are played, so act your age, not your shoe size.
Keep Your Thoughts to Yourself
Sometimes we cannot wait to twist the knife in at every turn. But you’ve got to keep your thoughts to yourself for the sake of the children. Because if you start to say negative things about your ex, your children are going to take it to heart. Your children are thinking that they are half you and half your partner. Whatever your opinion is of your ex, it doesn’t matter just make sure that you keep those thoughts, no matter how true you think they are, to yourself. And this is even more difficult when your ex is dishing it out. But if you find fire with fire, it will be your kids that get burnt.
Respond, Don’t React
When you are going through the divorce process, and working out shared responsibilities, you have to bide your time and respond carefully and calmly. You got to keep the emotions out of it, especially if your ex is dragging you through the month on social media. It’s so easy to go in all guns blazing, and when you are sharing parental duties, you have to remember that you don’t have to be available to your ex-partner 24/7. So if you ever encounter a demanding email or text from your ex, you need to resist the urge to start mudslinging or sending a shirty message back. Always stay focused on the issues and keep the emotions out of it.
As our children get used to the idea of the parents being separate, which can take some time, it is always important to remember that if you and your partner work together, this will have a minimal negative impact on your kids. There’s a lot to be said for having the same schedule in both homes. But one of the biggest things we all have to learn is to not let our emotions get in the way.